Saturday, January 16, 2010

Pickle In The Middle

My observation of the pursuit of life can be narrowed down to two types of people. The first grabs life by the throat and says I will choke the marrow out of you! They see what they want out of life and go after it. The pursuit is part of the pleasure to conquer the challenge. 

The second person does not pursue but waits for life to be dropped into their lap all the while not realizing that life is sucking them dry.   

I always believed myself to be the first. Life to me was like a quote from a famous veggie, "I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob". But now I feel stuck somewhere between the two. Like a "pickle in the middle" I watch overhead as life volleys back and forth taunting me to reach up and grab it. But as I reach to grab the delight of the day, it skims just beyond my fingertips. In it's path follows the twilight of things that were and the dark night of things to come. I know I can not return to the contentment of the pre-twilight for that day has already passed. So, I peer pessimistically into the shadow of the future trying to cultivate contentment while standing on middle ground.   

There was a time when I was content. I was a stay at home mom and I relished it! The cooking, the baking, the 'candlestick making' were all part of the pursuit. Things were not ideal. We lived in a miniature house with a fenced in postage stamp of a back yard. We had five kids, a dog and two cats. Our oldest daughter was physically disabled and could only get around in a motorized wheelchair, which made it seem like there were five kids and a small armored tank parked in our house. Rick worked for his parents in their small carpet store and earned a pittance of a salary. There was barely enough money to see us through the week and never any left over but I was content. All of that was part of the challenge to wrap my hands around life and choke the best out of it.  

But that was then. For now, I remain the pickle in the middle reaching up to catch life by the throat because I know the best is yet to be! 

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